Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to quit smoking. I tried two months consecutively. The first attempt lasted 16 and a half days. The following month I lasted about eight days. Fortunately most of my symptoms were under control, but my anxiety was unbearable. A tiny amount of friction between my fiancee and myself landed me right back buying cigarettes. They weren’t even enjoyable, but the habit was too easy to fall back into. That’s about the time I stopped blogging. I became pretty depressed because I was so determined to quit. I made such a big deal about my “promises to myself” in my post.
I am smoking less now, which is good. I’m down to slightly over a pack a day, compared to over a pack and a half. My biggest problem with smoking is how much cigarettes cost. Saving that money is not a strong enough motivation for me to quit, and that’s with me being poor. I feel myself gearing up for another quit attempt as I write this. It’s not an easy thing to do, but I could certainly use the money since I have a move coming up this month, or early next month. The biggest thing I’d have to do is fill the void with a healthier habit.
I’ve thought about joining a Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym, but it takes a lot of lung power. I have a little experience in it from other failed attempts at quitting smoking. The basic fact of the matter is that I’m still sitting around too much. Boredom is one of my greatest enemies, and a trigger to go smoke. I’d also need to develop a thicker skin. I become so irritable, anxious and sensitive when I’m on the patch and chewing gum to quit smoking. Writing this has been helpful. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to quit, and soon. It won’t be easy, but if I’m aware of the things I mentioned above, and a million other factors I can’t account for, it’ll work out with some hard work.